Why is taking a compliment so difficult?
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a carer of mine about wearing BiPAP (ventilator) masks and how, if it's too tight on my cheekbones, the whole right side of my face literally goes numb - I know, and yes, it's as unpleasant as it sounds. Anyhoo, the conversation then took a rather unexpected turn, on my part at least, when she said to me:
"It's because you've got really defined cheekbones Lu, you've got supermodel cheekbones!"
I don't even think I laughed it off like I would with most compliments? I just kinda stared at her for a few seconds, totally oblivious. The thing is, I do have quite prominent cheekbones and, honestly, I actually wanted to take the compliment! I mean, what girl wouldn't want to be likened to a supermodel, seriously?! Especially if that girl has grown up with a self-image conflict because of disability...
So why couldn't I agree with her, or even simply thank her for the compliment? Well, it's taken me these few weeks but I think I've finally figured it out...
I don't think it even matters whether you agree with a compliment being given to you or not, the crux of it is, the majority of people are "programmed", I think, to associate acceptance of compliments with feelings of conceit, vanity, and self-absorption. It's all too familiar a feeling to hear a compliment and think "yes, I do rather like my eyes too" or "many people have said I'm a talented writer, so it must be true", but then the moment of self-appreciation passes as that little annoying voice butts in - "that may be so but you can't show anyone you agree with them you boastful little shit".
And there it is: the key issue with accepting compliments - for some crazy unknown reason, we think it's wrong to do so! Now, obviously I'm no expert, and this is just me rambling from my observations and personal experiences, but I'd pay good money to anyone who can convince me otherwise. And it's not even like we're taught from a young age to think this way either! I mean, I don't ever remember being punished or scolded for agreeing with a compliment, do you?
It's a strange, unexplainable, innate phenomenon to feel bashful or embarrassed by compliments!
I know what you're thinking, you know it's a common weakness but you know of someone - your cousin's friend's grandma's neighbour's paperboy or whatever - who can easily accept compliments. Well, I have a theory about that too... I think it's very rare that people can confidently accept a compliment, though obviously some people can with ease. No, I think that, more often than not, those of us who take a compliment with gratitude and a smile have, in fact, taught ourselves to.
Again, personal experience.
I'm not gonna lie, I've always found it extremely difficult to accept compliments and still do, even now, but in my short years I've learned something invaluable: accepting a compliment not only makes you feel good about yourself, it also makes the people dishing them out very happy! They've noticed something good in you - a flattering trait, a positive characteristic, a talent - and want you to see it for yourself so, when you acknowledge it, rather than brushing it off or denying it, you can see it in their face - they're happy to see that you know and appreciate your own worth in some small way. And that's why I try extra hard now to accept them when they're given - a compliment is an act of kindness that should always be appreciated.
So, the next time a compliment is sent your way, no matter how big or small, take a moment to reflect - you may not see it now but, the more you pay close attention to the compliments you receive, you may start to see how truly wonderful you are yourself...
And there it is: the key issue with accepting compliments - for some crazy unknown reason, we think it's wrong to do so! Now, obviously I'm no expert, and this is just me rambling from my observations and personal experiences, but I'd pay good money to anyone who can convince me otherwise. And it's not even like we're taught from a young age to think this way either! I mean, I don't ever remember being punished or scolded for agreeing with a compliment, do you?
It's a strange, unexplainable, innate phenomenon to feel bashful or embarrassed by compliments!
I know what you're thinking, you know it's a common weakness but you know of someone - your cousin's friend's grandma's neighbour's paperboy or whatever - who can easily accept compliments. Well, I have a theory about that too... I think it's very rare that people can confidently accept a compliment, though obviously some people can with ease. No, I think that, more often than not, those of us who take a compliment with gratitude and a smile have, in fact, taught ourselves to.
Again, personal experience.
I'm not gonna lie, I've always found it extremely difficult to accept compliments and still do, even now, but in my short years I've learned something invaluable: accepting a compliment not only makes you feel good about yourself, it also makes the people dishing them out very happy! They've noticed something good in you - a flattering trait, a positive characteristic, a talent - and want you to see it for yourself so, when you acknowledge it, rather than brushing it off or denying it, you can see it in their face - they're happy to see that you know and appreciate your own worth in some small way. And that's why I try extra hard now to accept them when they're given - a compliment is an act of kindness that should always be appreciated.
So, the next time a compliment is sent your way, no matter how big or small, take a moment to reflect - you may not see it now but, the more you pay close attention to the compliments you receive, you may start to see how truly wonderful you are yourself...
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